The Well Of All Things That Remain To Be Known

From December 2001:
=======================

The Well Of All Things That Remain To Be Known

I stumbled across The Well Of All Things That Remain To Be Known while walking around an airfield in Lakehurst, NJ. There was a woman guarding it. She called herself the well keeper and was really quite attractive. I asked her if I could look into the well. Of course, she said no; if I could just go and look, she wouldn’t need to be there. I suggested that she allow people to look into the well for a modest fee. She said no. I asked if she had ever looked into the well. She hadn't. She had been curious many times in the several centuries that she had been standing there, but was told not to look into the well and obliged. I asked how she knew that it was indeed The Well Of All Things That Remain To Be Known. She said obviously I had missed the sign next to the well. I apologized for my ignorance; there was indeed a sign that affirmed the well's identity. I asked her what she thought the well contained. Again she pointed to the sign. We stared at each other for about a minute without saying a word. At this point I asked her if I could make a bold conjecture as to the well's contents.

She said sure.

I suggested that the well was empty, or simply full of water. Continuing, I started what should have been a long diatribe about religion and mysticism being like flossing. Before I could get very far into my harangue, she stopped me to ask about the floss thing. I skipped to the point: maybe people don’t think about this stuff. Similarly, people won’t admit to not flossing…but most don’t. She asked how this was relevant to the well's contents. I told her that even if I were confronted with all that remained to be known I probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend it and, truth told, didn't really care about the deeper secrets in life so long as the price of gas didn't increase. As a matter of fact, the only reason that I wanted to look into the well was because I thought she was attractive and it was a reason to come over and speak to her. She paused for a long pondering and then looked me directly in the eye and asked if I wanted to go out for tacos.

I said okay.